I would just like to point out for starters that this year I finished 185,000 words worth of longfic. On the one hand I actually wrote all that stuff over the last three years; on the other hand that much in three years is still pretty fuckin awesome. Plus I’m not counting shorter stuff like the pirate AU or all the casefic sequels or those couple of stories about St. George as a little kid, so actually I have posted over 200,000 words of Hilary/Jerry in the last three years and I think that is simultaneously the most impressive and pathetic thing I have done in my entire fucking life.
I am really hoping, in the coming year, to re-channel a lot of that storytelling energy into original comics rather than fannish prose. I talk a lot of talk about what I want to do with comics but I haven’t followed through much yet :/
I know why this happens, which is because I love drawing but it is just an exhausting process for me all the time :( I feel like everyone else on the whole Internet is like I LOVE DRAWING I DO IT LIKE BREATHING IT SOOTHES ME ETC. ETC. whereas I almost always feel like I’m working my ass off for the slim chance of producing something I won’t hate. (And also because I am too stubborn to quit, which is a good thing I guess except what if i just go on sucking forever oh god.) I am far more comfortable with writing, honestly, which I know is probably because I’ve been doing it much longer, but I get in a place where I’m like “I thought up this story but I’m not gonna draw it because it will just be hideous and a tragic waste of time and ink and decent writing.” I don’t know what to do about that. I don’t know if this is a thing that happens to other people that they work their way out of or if this thing I really love doing is just going to make me miserable forever. Probably I need a thicker pair of bootstraps.
I’m also really glad that something I am doing soon is drawing a comic written by someone else, because even though I’m super excited about it and care a ton it feels more manageable somehow?
In vaguely related news I am still really sad that I am never gonna get to draw Hellblazer :( I mean regardless of actual skill level I may or may not ever attain I will never be good enough to draw Hellblazer because there will be no Hellblazer ;__________;
ANYWAY THE POINT IS I AM GONNA MAKE SOME COMICS NEXT YEAR AND PROBABLY THEY WILL SUCK BUT I’M GONNA MAKE SOME COMICS ANYWAY FUCK YOU.