He woke up ambiguously. “Hmm,” he seemed to say as he looked warily around him. Time for another day of swords or drugs or making business, whatever his job was.
He lit seventeen cigarettes, because who the fuck cared. “I’m a man,” he announced to the room. “I’m a goddamn man and sometimes I have to make the tough decisions that no one asked me to make and my jaw looks like a shovel and I have an important job, so fuck you,” just in case someone was listening.
HI BECCA. Bet you weren’t expecting this. I’m exhausted and I need to do torts review, so it’s time for another episode of The Law Student Is In!
The usual disclaimer: I am not offering legal advice. I am publicly thinking through a hypo, using the dizzying experience conferred on me by almost a full entire term of law school. Not only can I not offer you any advice if you are in a similar situation, any advice you infer from this post is likely to be extremely wrong. If you have been cloned by Starfleet, my nonlegal advice is to stay far away from captains and commanders, whose deep-seated identity conflicts will play out all over you.
This is a really interesting question, and the short answer is, I’m not sure. I mean, it’s criminal in a number of states to abandon a child. Ibudan (his name is Ibudan) emerges an “adult”, but c’mon, if you’re experientially a newborn, even if you’re physically a grown man, a powerful argument can be made that you are for all intents and purposes a child. (I suspect that argument would be even better under a legal system designed to cope with varying species’ definitions of latency periods— there must be some common-law test for childhood a clever lawyer could apply here.)
But you didn’t ask me if it was a crime to be abandoned as an experiential child. You asked if he had a civil action. And… maybe.
Tw for child abuse and neglect below.
If every single day a bird shit on your head, even though lots of birds don’t, you would still feel a need to be like “god birds are the fucking worst” without a bunch of birds getting offended and being like “I’ve never shit on someone’s head, stop generalizing me!!”
Which is why if a woman says she hates men, you shouldn’t take it personally, you should consider how hard it is to always be covered in bird poop and let her vent.
(Bird poop is a pretty good metaphor for misogyny.)
reverse hades/persephone, where the young daughter of summer uses plant magic to ensnare the lord of darkness and keep him prisoner in a beautiful garden above ground. Eventually, enchanted by her cleverness and wild youth he agrees to eat six pomegranate seeds and stay with her for half of every year.
# ID READ THE FUCK OUT OF THAT # HE TRIES BEING ALL IMPOSINGLY MIGHTY AND WRATHFUL WHILE PERSPHONE JUST GOES ON WATERING THE FLOWERS OUTSIDE HIS CAGE # HE PETITIONS TO AT LEAST GET SOME DEATHBELL AND NIGHTSHADE AND ASPHODEL GROWING IN THERE BUT IT’S ALL LOTUSES AND SUNFLOWERS AND APPLES # AND LIKE CORN EVERYWHERE HE FUCKING HATES CORN # THEY COMPROMISE ON POMEGRANATES (x)